Television played a role when they were at “her” house. And when “She” remarried they found themselves among another set of relatives. The competition for allegiance sometimes bordered on the foolish, brought tears… as when “I” wanted to cut his hair and “She” wanted the barber to cut his hair…. And I’m sure some of the tales live on somewhere in his mind.

I think that during his teen years his peers played a more important role than did I.

Baseball and competitive sports were important. He was often spending the night at someone’s house, or eating with them, indulging in the forbidden – TV and sugar. Did he know that I allowed his independence, believing that he’d make the same discoveries that I’d made.

It’s funny the things remembered – that night of Bingo in Jefferson City. I was at Ting’s with Kevin and Josh…. In comes Pippa, very angry at me… Telling me what a poor Father I’d been… People all around us, someone calling out the numbers, “you spoiled your son, let him get away with all manner of irresponsible behaviors,” and he proceeded to tell me in detail of my failings. I listened, was roiling inside, I loved my son fiercely, but remained calm. He was a daring son, who’d learned to fight, to stand up for himself, no small feat when your father is passive and easily run over. I was afraid to stand up in class and give simple book reports, often refused, offering instead – written reports. I loved his strong independence and daring, I did not want my son to be unable to defend himself. Why did this “friend” ridicule me in this very public setting?

Of course I asked Chris what it was that had sparked the outburst. Details get lost and become unimportant. But lessons learned stay with us and competition can erode friendships. Still it’s natural to ask and find out – “Who did your child marry?” “How much money does he make?” “How famous? How important?” “My son is higher up on the ladder than your son is.”

Chris had his adventures and learned from conflicts, he can tell the story of where he is and how he got there, better than I. This is a mere sketch. He married Lisa Fairhurst, joined the Air force, and earned a Master’s Degree in Computer Engineering, and now very adequately provides for his blossoming family. They are expecting their second child. Their first, Addie, was born on December 5, 2004. She is two years old and as precocious as was her father, can count to 14, recognizes the letters of the alphabet, knows her colors, talks in full sentences, has a good memory. Chris’s happily ever after finds him strong, self-confident, wise, and in love with living. At his age I was only beginning to trust myself. Contained in these few short lines is a lifetime of stories, emotion and passion. He was grappling with life’s questions and I was largely a bystander catching glimpses of the struggle through his letters, his visits, and his art.