Another seven days later I suggested that he “candle” the eggs, he’d built his own candling box, “might as well get some use out of it, the eggs are probably rotten by now.” He refused, told me to turn the eggs again, then went to bed, unwilling to abandon his hope, but still not doing anything to help.

He was asleep before I decided to ignore his wishes and candle the eggs myself. I’d expected to find an orange glow, nothing more, then encourage him the next day to throw the eggs away.

Instead I bounded up the stairs, “Wake up, hurry,…” Downstairs again, I held an egg up to the bright circle of light. Vein-like thin lines were clearly visible, and a dark blob pulsed two or three times before disappearing into an orange glow.

Hope rewarded brought a twinkle to his eyes, a twinkle that would be darkened many times by death’s unwelcome intrusion. And finally he wouldn’t cry anymore, just fight back in anger as best as he could, trying to prevent further tragedy, building a new fence or a new shelter, separating the weak from the strong, doing whatever he could to keep death away.

So it sometimes is with those of us who are older, anger replaces tears, fighting action replaces the passive submission to defeat. And hope stays alive because we do more than pray in the shadows with our tears.

Daryl graduated with a BA in German and in Art History. He went to China to teach English for and year, and married Lily Gong on July 30, 2006 in Urumqi, China. This brief history leaves out many details of his happily ever after as well. For those who wish to know, he will share what he has learned about life.

And excerpt from one of his essays follows:

Dialog

Gunther: Hallo Helmut. Wie geht es dir? (How are you?)

Helmut: Bei mir geht es schlecht, folgendes Problem: wegen der BSE wollte niemand meine Kuhen Kaufen. Wenn ich meine Kuhen verkaufen, kriege ich nur ein teil der richtige Preis. (It’s bad, I have a problem, because of BSE no one will buy my cows. When I do sell one, I only get a fraction of what it’s worth.)

Gunther: Schade, es ist aber wirklich gut fur die Kuhen oder? Ich sehe die Sache so: vielleicht durch der BSE wird der ganze Land vegetarisch gemacht. Schon immer haben wir unser Mitmenschen, wie Kuhen, wegen Essen getotet. Wenn wir Angst von Rindfleisch haben durfen wir alle im frieden zusammen leben. (Too bad, but isn’t that good for the cows. We’ll all become vegetarians, and all live in peace together.)

Helmut: Da stimme ich dir nicht zu. Meiner Ansicht ist, dass die Regierung sollte genug Kuhen Kaufen un den Preis von Fleisch zu stabilisieren. Die konnte die Rindfleisch nach der Dritte Welt schicken, wo Leute jeden Tag verhungern. (I don’t agree. I think that the government should buy the cows to stabilize the price, then ship them to third world countries where people are starving.)

Gunther: Ich habe gehort, dass der EU schon gesagt hat, dass zwei millionen europaische Kuhen getotet sein mussen. Hier, im Deutschland, vierhundert tausend Kuhen werden geschlacten. Sehr traurig, oder? Wenn ich darauf denke mochte ich gerne weinen. Die Meinung, dass Europa sollte sein Abfall nach die arme Lander der Welt schicken, kann ich nicht teilen. Wenn wir die Kuhen schlachten mussen, sollten wir die Leichen brennen. Wir werden dadurch Geld sparen. (I have heard that the EU has said that 2 million cows must be killed. Here in Germany, 400,000 will be killed. Very sad! When I think about it, I want to cry. I cannot agree with the opinion that Europe should send its garbage to poor countries. I think we should burn the cows bodies, it will save money.)